Well, well. Where to start? So much has been happening. It is and it isn’t the “same ol’ same ol’.” But let’s start with the new news first.

Adoption

Back in November, Shannon’s Dad mentioned to a family friend that we were considering adoption. They knew someone who knew someone, and the ball starting rolling. We knew it was a long-shot, but we had to do some quick sleuthing. As we expected, this particular circumstance didn’t work out, but we got so far along in our investigations, we decided to finally commit to the adoption process — after nearly 6 years of trying to conceive. We’re currently in the midst of doing our homestudy (the “psych evaluation” with a social worker who will determine if we are fit parents). We’re also attending classes that cover a wide variety of really quite interesting topics related to children and adoption (attachment, development, etc.). Then we need to decide what kind of adoption we are going to do (international, domestic, private, foster, infant, older child, special needs). We’ve ruled out several options already. We know we want a healthy infant or toddler. While we’d love to consider international adoption because there’s more control, more choice, and more guarantees, the cost may be prohibitive for us.

Part of the cost issue is that Colorado has a frustrating (but somewhat understandable) law that requires us to use an agency licensed in this state even if we choose a placement agency licensed in another state. Long story short, we get to add about $5,000 to the already high cost of adoption.

The cost for international adoptions depends on the country, but the younger the child, chances are the higher the cost. China is relatively affordable (~$20,000 plus travel and the $5,000 add-on) and we’ve been told that it’s the most reliable country for adoptions with the healthiest children, but it could take 2 years and the children are about that age when they finally come home. Dan and I were hoping for an infant. Vietnam has a quicker turnaround with the possibility of a 5-9 month-old baby, but the cost could run $35,000 and up plus travel and the $5,000 add-on. Guatemala, our first choice because infants are privately fostered (not placed in orphanages), is about the same price as Vietnam, but international laws (Hague) have virtually shut the door on new adoptions from this country for at least a year. When they do re-open, most likely infants will only be available through orphanages. It’s really quite a sad situation. Russia and Ukraine have plenty of children available, but it’s a crap shoot. You could end up with a healthy or a very unhealthy child (usually older); it depends on a lot of factors. We’re not quite prepared to deal with those kinds of surprises, so Russia is on the back burner for us at the moment. Besides, the costs are high, especially considering that you have to travel there twice. Liberia and Ethiopia also have programs that we’re looking into.

Domestic healthy infant adoptions (private) run about $30,000 (before our $5,000 add-on), but there are a number of risks involved including a long wait, laws that vary by state, the chance of losing a placement because the birthmother changes her mind, etc. Some programs are subsidized and are slightly more affordable, namely programs that place African-American children exclusively. We were both surprised that there is such a high need for placements of African-American children in this country yet so little known about it. Hopefully people with public sway (e.g., celebrities like Brangelina, Oprah, etc.) might address this local need in addition to addressing international needs.

We could also choose to adopt from the state (a public adoption) but we would most likely have to foster. Not only is it a huge risk in terms of emotional loss (you usually foster several children before one is placed permanently), there are issues of visitation (with birth family), court dates, therapy, etc. And, in most cases, the children are older or have serious special needs. We could probably adopt an infant who has been exposed to drugs. The most common are “meth babies,” but there’s not a lot of research showing long-term effects – not yet, anyhow. What we do know is that they usually go through withdrawal early in their infancy, they show accelerated development, tend to be hyperactive, and have the risk of learning disorders (ADD, etc.). Our neighbors did this. They said that they are glad they have their child, but they wouldn’t do it a second time.

The last option is an individual “designated” adoption. That’s where we would make arrangements directly with the birth-mother. We’d still have to hire her a social worker, pay for counseling, pay for pregnancy-related expenses, etc.. And we can’t use a “facilitator” (someone who isn’t licensed but matches adoptive and birth parents). So, the only way we could do a designated adoption is through word of mouth. A designated adoption is an option for us at any point – that’s the one good thing. We could always jump ship with another type of adoption if we knew someone who wanted to place directly with us. And if we can find a birth-mother in the next month (ha!), that would save us a lot of hassle in the long run. So, spread the word: we want a family.

We’re leaning strongly towards a domestic private (non-foster) adoption and we are completely open to and preparing for a child of any race. Our biggest concerns at this point is that we have to make choices that essentially shut the doors to all other options. Within domestic adoption, we’ll most likely have to choose whether or not we want to consider only African-American children or whether we want to choose all other races except African-American. We don’t want to put any limits on our criteria and we’re sort of frustrated with that aspect of it, but we’re still investigating options. The other thing we have to do is choose a state (or an agency, but in choosing an agency, we’re basically choosing a state – has to do with licensing laws). From what we can tell, Florida and Texas are the two states with the “best” adoption laws (for adoptive parents).

Bottom line: there’s a lot involved in the adoption process. Time, training, money. We can handle the training, no problem. We’re learning more about patience with the timing. We have no idea how we’re going to pay for it, but we’re trying to “let go” and put this in God’s hands. We would greatly appreciate your prayers, if you feel so inclined.

House

Our house hasn’t sold. No surprise there. We pulled the sign down before the big storm here and our (out-of-pocket) MLS listing expired in early January. We’re planning to list again, this time with a realtor, asap. We’ve given up on finding a good realtor. We’ll settle for one who’s not a schmuck. The housing market sucks, but we all know that.

Work

Dan is still commuting 3 hours round-trip every day. He’s at the end/beginning of a grant cycle, so work life has kept him busy and he’s been spending long hours at the office (and working from home). He loves his job and cherishes the new challenges coming his way as a people manager now that he’s the director of the library. Shannon is incredibly proud of him; he’s doing a great job.

Shannon continues her telecommute to Berkeley (although she did spend a week on campus in early February). She’s at the beginning of a grant cycle and busy in the planning process. She is also writing a grant for a local non-profit (something that she does annually). Her stamp business is still plugging along and she regularly holds classes for customers and other demonstrators. She also started a blog about stamping: Stamp Talk.

Health

Dan was diagnosed with peroneal nerve damage in his left leg last September, which causes “foot drop” (he can’t lift up his foot at the ankle, nor can he lift up his toes). We discovered that this problem was caused by his knee leaning against the door during the commute. A lot of neurological testing has shown that the good news is that it’s not spinal; the bad news is that doesn’t seem to be improving. This is not surprising given that the cause (his commute) hasn’t changed much, though he now uses a soft pillow between his knee and the door. Unfortunately, there’s no cure. This looks like it may be a permanent disability. Fortunately, if he’s attentive when walking, this shouldn’t be overly debilitating.

Shannon managed to fracture her left foot (two fractures actually, on the fifth metatarsal) and tear some ligaments in her ankle shortly after returning from Berkeley. No, it wasn’t the ice. She stepped down sideways on her foot while walking in a straight line on flat ground inside the house. Typical Shannon. Thankfully had her cell phone on her person when it happened and she was able to call a friend to get her to the hospital (once the obscenities stopped – ha!). She’s spending six-eight weeks in “moon boot” cast while recovering. The first couple of weeks were difficult because she’s not exactly talented in using crutches (or asking for help). She also slipped and bruised her tailbone in a hotel tub (they didn’t have an accessible room available). Fortunately, her foot wasn’t re-injured too badly and the bruise is fading. Now she’s better able to get around on a single crutch and she can even drive provided there’s not much walking to or from the car. This experience was a good reminder to not take advantage of good health.

Travel

We started out the year planning to travel extensively, especially after ending 2006 with a long and wonderful holiday trip (one week in Vegas; one week in No. Cal; another 2 days in Vegas when our flights were delayed). We went to Shannon’s cousin’s wedding (John and Jennifer Cedillo) in early January. Shannon had to travel for work in early February, then we both visited Noni P over President’s Day weekend, which was an absolute hoot!

We have several family weddings coming up this summer and fall, and at least one baby shower this spring (Shannon’s friend, Jeanne-Marie, woo hoo!). Shannon has a stamp convention this year, but thankfully it’s in Denver. Dan has to travel to Philadelphia for work and possibly to the east coast. Normally we both go when Dan has to travel for work, but that might change.

Given our financial predicament with the adoption, we may have to adjust our plans and habits somewhat. We’ll do our best to visit family and friends as much as possible, but we really do need to start scrimping and saving where we can, and we may have to make some hard choices. It’s finally time to take seriously the best-ever advice we got from Shannon’s late Granddaddy (when we were considering becoming a one-income family): “You need to do what’s right for your family…even if it means you eat a lot of beans and rice.”

So, here’s to “beans and rice” and a happy rest of the new year!