Couldn’t have said it any better

Wow. Holy wow. This post following an adoptive family’s TV interview (this blog, in fact) really spoke to my heart on so many levels. I can’t say how many times I’ve wanted to say all of these things. And I couldn’t have said any of it any better. About adoption, the process, the system. About parenting, about children, about relationships. And how I feel about it all. Read it if you have a chance. This is one particular excerpt that really touched a chord in me.

I wanted to talk about race preference in adoption, and the fact that a minority status qualifies a child for “special needs” status in the US, regardless of age.

I wanted to talk about the discrimination Jafta has faced already.  I wanted to talk about how transracial adoption has opened my eyes to the overt and covert racism that still exists in our country.  I wanted to talk about how frustrating it is when I discuss Jafta’s experiences of racism and people dismiss me as being overly sensitive.

I wanted to talk about how, despite how much we long for it, we have had difficulty finding inclusion in the African-American community.  I wanted to talk about how, after two years of going to the same barbershop, the elderly proprietor finally admitted to Mark that he was just now “cool with us”.  I wanted to talk about the sting of wanting to immerse Jafta in his culture, while recognizing that having white parents may set him up for rejection.

I wanted to talk about the deficits that we will have as a white couple raising black children.  I wanted to compare it to a single mom raising boys . . .  how we will need help from others.  I wanted to talk about how painful it can be as a parent to know that, while I can empathize, I will never fully understand my sons’ experiences as African Americans, or as transracial adoptees.  I wanted to talk about how every adoptive parent needs to suck up their pride and admit that we can’t do it alone.