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I was stunned yesterday when I picked up the phone and heard our now-familiar SSA office case handler’s voice
I just wanted to let you know that we received Joseph’s birth certificate verification, so we’ll clear his application for approval. The card will be mailed to your home address. You can come by and pick up a print out of his number if you need it sooner.
Dan picked up Joe’s official number today. I have it in my hot little hands as I type (okay, well, it’s sitting on the desk next to me, but you get the idea). They even gave us the official certified copy of his birth certificate that they ordered (expedited, at their expense) because, once they verified it, they didn’t need it for their files. It’s a paltry bonus given the headache, but it’s really nice to have an extra and probably something they didn’t have to do, so definitely a thoughtful and appreciated gesture. I feel a thank you note coming on…which is saying something, given that I recently found a stack of half-written, half-addressed notes from last Christmas that never made it out the door (yet another major goof I get to beat myself up about).
I almost don’t believe it. After 4 months on this merry-go-round, we can finally stop and catch our breath. And amend our taxes. And open an education fund. And and and… An enormous burden has been lifted from my shoulders.
If I didn’t have so much to do now that I have this information, I’d stop and take a nice, long break and celebrate. But, I’m sick, and so are Dan and Joe (the little guy just finished up his course of antibiotics for an ear infection, which I suspect is not cured to boot). And I’m past a deadline at work, so I need to get the whip cracking. Plus, I have Halloween preparations on my plate: treats for Dan’s work, last-minute costume needs, and an entire meal for Halloween night when Nana and Noni P join us for Joe’s second Halloween. Photos coming soon…
Update: Joe’s social security card arrived before Thanksgiving. I don’t remember when, but it’s filed, safe and sound.
Joe went in for his 12-month doctor’s visit on Wednesday. The doctor was quite impressed at his physical, social, and verbal development. Woo hoo!
Joe is right on target for growth, weighing in at 22 lbs and exactly 30 inches tall. Joe is at the upper end (and growing out of some) of his 12-month-sized clothes; he’s already started wearing 18-month-sized clothes. He wears a size 5 toddler shoe (tightly, we just tried on a pair of size 6 sneakers and they have just a little growing room). He wears a size 4 diaper.
The doctor thought Joe was well-behaved and good natured (which we already knew) and quite social for his age. Joe didn’t fight the doctor’s examination as we (and the doctor) had expected (but I have to give credit to Dr. Rich, who is an angel with the little ones). Joe only cried a short while at the end of the visit after four immunizations and two blood tests and quieted down almost immediately once he got his binky.
The fact that Joe is walking, and walking well, was apparently quite impressive. We can expect Joe to toddle for quite awhile longer. The doctor reassured me when I made a joking comment about getting Joe an inflatable sumo suit that the young human skull makes a fine helmet for everyday bumps and bruises. So no baby bubble for now, but I’m not ruling it out. Ha!
On a cognitive level, Joe is doing quite well and starting to respond to verbal cues (e.g., follow our commands), like “go get the ball” and “lay your head on the bed; it’s nap time.” Joe’s verbal development is just fine: he says repetitive phonemes, “dadada” “nanana,” just started “mamama,” and is also combining multiple phonemes. He’s also trying to mimic/repeat some things we say. And he’s starting to say “Dada” when Dan is around, though we’re not convinced he associates meaning with it yet. Joe also uses two signs: “more” and “change” (he likes a dry, clean diaper). Unfortunately, in the past week or so, Joe has also figured out how to express “no” by shaking his head back-and-forth. It’s mostly a game. At least he’s not saying it constantly, but I’m sure that day will come. Oh, and Joe is also whistling by pursing his lips and breathing heavy.
Dr. Rich did comment that Joe was very active and functioned “at a high rpm.” In fact, Joe was moving non-stop during the visit, playing with tongue depressors, tearing up magazines and books, and running back and forth in the exam room. He only stopped (or slowed down) when Dan or I held him. The doctor also commented that the speed with which Joe moves must require incredible childproofing in our house. Ha! Now we don’t feel so bad about corralling Joe in specific rooms. The doctor seemed impressed that we had the stamina and energy to keep up with him, but didn’t think anything was unusual in Joe’s behavior. Just a (high energy) boy.
It was good to hear from the doctor that Joe’s skin looked really good. I recently switched from petrolatum (aka “Vaseline or, in our case, Aquaphor) to a more natural solution for Joe’s head-to-toe eczema (raw/unrefined shea butter and we’re also trying a shea butter/coconut oil/kokum butter concoction). It takes a little extra work reapplying multiple times a day, but I feel better about using a non-chemical option, at least until Joe goes to school.
Now we need to transition Joe to cow’s milk and get him off the bottle. I’m a little worried about the milk since Joe had so much trouble finding a formula that didn’t upset his digestive system. The doctor didn’t seem worried and suggested soy as an option if we run into problems with regular milk. Once again, Dr. Rich did gently encourage us to “find a week” to work on Joe’s sleep patterns. (Joe gets up several times a night, and often ends up in our bed in the wee hours of the morning.) The problem is primarily me; I just can’t stand letting him cry, both because it’s wrenching and because I can’t sleep through it. I might have to suck it up and put in those ear plugs.
Sorry, I haven’t posted lately, folks. April is crazy busy with Joe and I traveling, Noni P moving out here, Joe’s finalization happening at the end of this month (woo hoo!), trying to figure out how to file a tax extension (yuck), and my ever-hectic work schedule despite reduced childcare availability. Oh, and did I mention that one cranky teething active boy isn’t sleeping so well at night?
I finally took a breather today (a “breather” being an 8-hour work day while Joe is with the nanny) only to realize (aka “freak out”) that neither Joe nor I had confirmations of new healthcare coverage after our group insurance runs out at the end of April. So that Joe could keep his same doctor (or at least have flexibility with finding a new one), I applied for Colorado-mandated “high risk” insurance for him in mid-March. Then I applied for Kaiser for myself around the first of April. See why here. Say what you want, but I like Kaiser; I’ve had good experiences in both California and Colorado with Kaiser, and I’m relatively healthy, so I figured it was a good bet for me. Fingers and toes were crossed that they wouldn’t reject me again.
Today I made contact with both insurers. Not an easy task for the not-so-persistent (aka non-squeeky). I was clearly exasperated and at wit’s end. It must have shown because both companies put our applications through speedily and gave us answers today — and not the answers I was expecting! Kaiser approved me in writing and I have a verbal confirmation that Joe’s insurance was also approved (cross your fingers that I get something in writing quickly).
Can I get a collective “whew!”? If we hadn’t qualified for these plans, our insurance costs would have been two to three times what we’re going to pay, which isn’t chump change, let me tell you.
On another health note, Dan’s back is still in pretty bad shape. Actually, it’s his leg that is bothered now (bulging disc is pressing on a nerve that runs through his leg). He’s having a pretty tough time saying “no” to basic things like bending over, picking things up (like our ever-expanding Joe), and generally doing anything but relaxing. He’s still in physical therapy and his specialist thinks he might be a candidate for a steroid (injection?) therapy.
Dan got his MRI results back. He has a textbook case of a herniated (bulging) disc and needs only physical therapy, which he’s already started with a back specialist. (The first round of physical therapy wasn’t with a back person, so we’re hoping that this second round will be more successful.) The important thing is that he needs to avoid bending (hard to do) and lifting (including Joe) until the disc heals. Dan’s had a hard time not working on the house. It’s been a good lesson in patience for all of us!
OK, it’s not so funny, but I needed a title. On his way to an MRI appointment, Dan got into a fender bender (everyone’s ok) that crunched up the front of his truck. (Note: it doesn’t look so bad in this little phone photo, but his truck should be about another 1-1/2 feet longer in the front…the silver bumper should be in front of the black jutting bit of metal/frame.) Long story short, when the light turned green, a pedestrian walked into the intersection just as traffic was starting to accelerate (but Dan couldn’t see this because of the big SUV with tinted windows in front of him) . 
The woman in the SUV slammed on her brakes so hard that the butt end of the vehicle arched into the air. Dan tried, but couldn’t, stop in time and the rear of her SUV came down on the front his truck. Needless to say, Dan didn’t make it to the MRI. His truck was towed to a body shop and we just found out that there is $6,277.03 of damage to his truck. Not sure about the other guy. Thank goodness for insurance. Sigh. If it’s not one thing, it’s another…
Yesterday I got a letter in the mail. Joseph was declined enrollment for individual insurance coverage because of an ear infection. An ear infection. He’s otherwise absurdly healthy. But they won’t insure him. No higher rate, no rider, no pre-existing condition waiting period, just a letter declining enrollment. The irony is that I had applied for a high-deductible policy. So even though we would be liable for the first $3,000 of his healthcare costs (and up to $10,000 out of pocket), Anthem (Blue Cross & Blue Shield) of Colorado claimed that the risks were too high for them to cover our son because he had a bleepin’ ear infection. We can apply again once his “condition” is in the clear for at least 60 days, but he needs coverage before that.
I received two of these letters recently too. Anthem declined me automatically, no negotiation, because I had been through fertility testing in the past five years. Testing, not treatment. It didn’t matter what the diagnosis was. It didn’t matter that, in Colorado, no individual insurance covers pregnancy expenses (except high-risk coverage), so there is no way to “upgrade” policies to include maternity coverage after acceptance. I was also declined by Kaiser, simply because I had been to the doctor more than twice in the past 12 months (I broke my foot last year and had three or four follow-up visits).
You see, I’m losing my benefits as of May 1st, so I had applied for individual coverage for both Joe and myself. But with this turn of events, Joe and I are now left with three lousy options. Cobra coverage (~$1000/month, low deductible), Dan’s group policy (~$800/month, high deductible), or CoverColorado (~$500/month, high deductible), a “high risk” plan for people with pre-existing conditions. I don’t know about you, but these are incredibly high rates for the average family, especially considering the high deductibles and the fact that these rates are only for two of us. (Thankfully Dan’s health coverage is included in his benefits package).
Our story isn’t unique. I’ve heard about similar experiences from friends and family. And I’ve met several people without health insurance as well as other families and small business owners who opt only for major medical coverage. I’ll never forget the struggle, guilt, and anguish a friend of ours had after her toddler got a deepish cut on his forehead. She knew that he was ok (the fall wasn’t hard) but that the cut would heal better with stitches. Yet she hesitated taking him to the emergency room (of course it happened on a weekend evening) because the expense would be completely out-of-pocket. They were struggling to start a family business and had already borrowed again their credit cards. So they opted not to take him to the doctor. In the end, he was fine and the cut healed, but it did leave a scar, both on his face and with his parents. It was a huge wake-up call for the family, who now realized that every sniffle, sneeze, and boo boo — which under “normal” (group health coverage) circumstances might generate a trip to the family doctor — could now bring about the same financial dilemma.
Don’t fool yourself and think that it couldn’t happen to you. Especially in this economic downturn, people from all walks of life are losing their jobs, and with that, group health coverage. Some folks’ employers are passing along the increasing costs and others, like myself, are simply losing benefits and must turn to individual coverage. At the same time, insurance companies seem to seek out the tiniest excuse to decline enrollment, limit coverage, or increase premiums. This isn’t just an issue for seniors on fixed incomes or the sick or poor. This is a crisis that can affect anyone and, I suspect, will hit the middle class pretty hard in the next few years, especially if the economy doesn’t turn around quickly. It might not be an issue you have to face now, but you never know. That’s something to think about when November rolls around.
Joe’s whining and crying and all-around fussiness hasn’t waned in the past few days. Just in case, I took Joe into Dr. Rich again today to make sure the ear infection was healing and that his discomfort wasn’t the cause of these mood swings (though I was secretly hoping for an easy, clear-cut answer). Thankfully, Joe’s ears are in good shape. Unfortunately, that means his moodiness is most likely related to various developmental issues, and that he’s feeling mighty attached to mommy these days because of it (but he still loves getting attention from daddy too). Sometimes the kid cries if we’re not making eye contact. He’s also showing signs of stranger anxiety, which is normal and probably a good thing, even if it means that doctor visits involve me holding a crying baby in my lap. Dr. Rich assured me that it only gets worse at the 12- and 15- month appointments. Goodie.
We actually love Dr. Rich and the other doctors we’ve met at Joe’s pediatric group. They’re awesome, in fact. Not only are they great with kids of all ages and not too far away, but they’re great to us too (barring the fact that the front office staff is always on the phone — good when we’re calling in, bad when we’re waiting to check in). His new pediatricians are much better than his doctors at the old facility. But, we’re not sure if great doctors are enough to keep us there for the long haul. What’s the problem, you ask?
We made a commitment to ourselves and Joe that we would do our best not only to provide him with the best care we could, but also to surround him with people, including professionals, of color. (And not just the doctors and dentists he uses, but the professionals we see as a family.) He needs good role models that look like him. That can’t happen in the current situation since our pediatric group is about as white-bread as you get. So, we’re on a quest to find a new great pediatric group or family doctor in or close to our neighborhood.
This won’t be the first time we have to address this issue. Schools, churches, social groups, you name it, we’ll have to challenge ourselves to do what’s in Joe’s best interest and that might mean leaving our comfort zone, often and in unexpected ways. It’s been a struggle for us so far. Making this concerted effort requires dedicating more time and energy to things that would normally be second-nature for us. We’ve known that all along, but it’s much easier in theory than practice. We are making strides…well, baby steps. Our first accomplishment was choosing our neighborhood, which is awesome as well as diverse on many levels. Next, we may seek out a local adoption support group so that we can at least occasionally surround ourselves with other folks dealing with similar issues.
Since folks keep asking, thought I’d post a quick update. Dan’s initial back injury is much improved (you saw evidence he was up and about and even painting), but he’s been having trouble with a nerve in his leg (related to the injury), causing him a lot of pain. His doctor (as of today) suspects a herniated disc and wants to do an MRI. Dan’s decided to do another round of physical therapy first. He also got in trouble with his doctor for “working on the house” in this condition, especially when Dan admitted that “not much” lifting could mean 50 or 60 pounds. Dan was forbidden from painting or laying floors or doing any home remodeling, so the rest of the basement will have to wait. I can probably paint the walls and do some trim work, but we won’t make much progress after that until Dan’s back situation is resolved.
Joe turned 9 months old yesterday. This morning, we all tromped out to the pediatrician’s office for his well-baby visit. They did a toe prick to test for anemia (negative), gave him a catch-up vaccine he should have had at six months. (Not sure why the old doctor didn’t give it, though we were informed by the new doctor that there was a national shortage, so maybe that’s why?)
The doctor gave him the once-over and decided that the ear infection from last month never healed (that explains his continual fussiness and rough sleeping patterns that we had attributed to teething), so now Joe is on a souped up antibiotic (rats). We have to give him plenty of yoghurt during the course of the treatment.
On the growth front, Joe is now in the 45th percentile across the board. He weighed in at 20 lbs and .5 ozs (granted he did have a bottle right before the appointment), but he’s still at 28 inches, so no height spurt (yet?).
On the developmental front, the doctor was quite pleased with his strength, attentiveness, fine and gross motor skills, and verbal advancement. Joe also crawled on all fours (not the army crawl) in the doctor’s office. That’s the first time we’ve seen him actually go some distance, though I suspect his motivation might have had something to do with the fact that he was only wearing a diaper and the commercial carpet was scratchy; he was trying to get to daddy.
No sooner did I write the last post than Joe and I came down with some other cold…lots of congestion and a deep cough. Rats. At least Joe is in relatively good spirits despite the symptoms. Let’s just hope we avoid another ear infection!
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